shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
