I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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