??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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