So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
