There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
