i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
