thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
