i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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