she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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