we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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