I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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