OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
