party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize