Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
