my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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