so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
