Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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