Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
