I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
