I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
