Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
