I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
