i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize