dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
