She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize