i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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