you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
