How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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