I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
