I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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