and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
