Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
