i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
