I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
bring money and cleavage
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
