he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
