Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
