What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
