u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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