DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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