if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
