Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
