ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
