I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just high enough for therapy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize