Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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