I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
