I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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