you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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