these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
