a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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