i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
