lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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