saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
