you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize