I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
