Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
