he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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