Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
