There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
