As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
