So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
not ubering you a puppy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
