dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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