how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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