Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
