so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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