U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
