yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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