I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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