no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize