two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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