I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
