we're blogging at a bar
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
