HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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