You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
