Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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