so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just gargled with NyQuil
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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