Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
