i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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