Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
