Duck Duck Cougar?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
