I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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