I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What drink are we having for lunch?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
