between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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