I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
