He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
