You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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